I’m confused. I not once in my divorce process had to ask for documents from my ex. The lawyers handled that.
Why are you asking for them again?
Because right now he is verbally favoring me $$$$ in divorce.
If this goes before a judge or he has to get atty.... he will make it so I lose my home.
Of course I recognize this as PURE manipulation on his part. AND, I will agree to nothing that my atty does not approve of - and I will be letting her do all the numbers. And then letting me know if H's offer is the better deal.
But I will not cut off my nose to spite my face - If I walk away $25-50k more??? I have to put up with feeling GROSS I guess.
I’m confused. I not once in my divorce process had to ask for documents from my ex. The lawyers handled that.
Why are you asking for them again?
Because right now he is verbally favoring me $$$$ in divorce.
If this goes before a judge or he has to get atty.... he will make it so I lose my home.
Of course I recognize this as PURE manipulation on his part. AND, I will agree to nothing that my atty does not approve of - and I will be letting her do all the numbers. And then letting me know if H's offer is the better deal.
But I will not cut off my nose to spite my face - If I walk away $25-50k more??? I have to put up with feeling GROSS I guess.
How can he make you lose your home? He abandoned it. Unless you cannot afford to buy him out of his half of the equity, which it sounds like you can, then you should not be doing anything out of what he says. If he gives you something legal, in writing, then fine.
So let's look at this logically. STBXH is making verbal promises. Then he is failing to provide you with the documentation necessary to fulfill those verbal promises. But you feel compelled to continue to engage him under the guise of saving your house.
If I didn't know better I'd say this is another cleverly devised excuse by KC to remain in contact with her STBXH.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85 - yes, I see his is trying to manipulate me to get what he wants.
Right now he states he will not touch the equity in my home $80k - that is if I just let him have the $24k in the broker acct. In addition he is buying my son's car - which he 100% does not have to do.
In his mind everything has been divided - except our retirement accounts. Therefore his words "to have my atty get him a number". NOW, granted if he doesn't like that number he may bail on everything.... but that just means we have to start over again... I'm sure he really doesn't want that. He just wants his money.
I should have 100% not dealt with it today. I told myself to put it to bed for 3 days... So you are 100% right to call me ot on stirring the pot.
I'm on a pendulum swing with one moment wanting to do NOTHING and the next to get all the paperwork aligned to be done.
He was pissed to realized that he may owe me another $15k... immediately went to I'm trying to screw him over. He knows exactly what my atty is doing blah blah blah.
OK so you said you called him to request additional paperwork, I get that part of it. But what's up with the 15k, apparently you disclosed to him in the phone call that he will owe you more in the settlement? I thought you said he was already being overly generous in the settlement.
Quote
I remained calm and let him rant. It took a lot of self control not to yell back "you screwed me over dude... you screwed me out of my financial security and now every time I have to deal with you I have to hear additional threats"... but I said nothing.
Just keep in mind that in D no one is "made whole". Both parties are going to leave the R with less than they had jointly, that's just how D works. I understand the anger but I'm sure he feels equally screwed in this.
Quote
He complained that he already filled out this paperwork once. I just responded "you're right you did".
Why did you request it again then?
Quote
BUT I FEEL SO GROSS. Perhaps because I could feel his extreme dislike of me. ALL I can say is that he probably isn't going to happy with the numbers my atty gives him. He is living in fantasy land.
You seem to go back and forth on this, you said the two of you were going to settle this amicably and that he was being very generous, and that you didn't want to rock the boat to screw that up. But now you are saying he's living in fantasy land and isn't going to like your attorney's numbers. Can you just explain this a little better? It doesn't make any sense, it's like you're telling two completely different versions.
I called. Not the best but H does not like like texts or emails.
Not sure how I missed this line before. But if you aren't in the mood for a major 2x4....get ready.
What the heck?! "H does not like texts or emails". SO WHAT?? Why do you let him dictate to you how you communicate to him.
#1, if this is a way to get him to like you with the goal of eventual R......I am going to repeat something you've been told 3 dozen times. YOU CANNOT NICE HIM BACK. Call him because he likes it. Email (preferably) or text (better than calling) whether he likes it or not. None of it will matter. So you choose your preferred mode of communication. And if that is phone call, then just admit that is how you would prefer contact him and we can advise you why that is not a good idea. (And there are many!) More than likely he doesn't want a written history of what he says to you about this because he wants to claim later he didn't say that, etc. These are legal discussions, documentation of them is in your best interest.) In short, SCREW what he would prefer.
#2, you cannot nice him into a better financial settlement. So if this is your end game in "not rocking the boat" then you are barking up the wrong tree again. In the end, he is going to try to get the best financial settlement for himself no matter what you do or don't do. You could send him fresh baked chocolate chip cookies every day, he is still going to try to get the best financial settlement he can get. No matter what he is saying. You keep bringing up your son's car. While he has been the young man's step-father for many years, it would be unrealistic to think he will continue to agree to paying for the car. So while that might sound good to you (and I think deepdown you are more excited about keeping that connection with him rather than the money involved) in the end he is probably going to either want the car himself, or want you to take it over including the payments.
KC, as I said a few posts back, no one ever claimed this stuff was easy. I know you'd give everything just short of your life to not being going through this. We get it. But you continue to go on reflex and instinct. Not on DBing principles. I so wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away magically for you. But I cannot. But it sorrows me to see statements like the one above. Where you are still allowing him to dictate the terms of all of this to you. And you go along with it because you think it will make him like you again.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
