As much as I had to admit it, this is as down as I've been quite in awhile. I'm lucky to have a good support group of friends and a resource like this, but it's definitely been a slog as I don't quite feel like myself and I'm having trouble just going about my day as normal. Anyone who has been through the valley knows the feeling - like the days just take forever.
I started re-reading NMMNG again, because typically when I'm down it reminds me of the progress I've made and fills me with confidence that whatever's next will be much more fruitful for me. I also put some post-its around my place with reminders like "You are strong!" just to give me an extra boost.
One of my close friends thinks that the reason why I'm in this funk is because I know it's over, and I know what I have to do but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's hard to disagree. I think if anyone else in the world came to me describing the scenario I'm in, I'd tell them to cut the cord and turn the page.
Is this a person I really want in my life? A person who left? A person who took a year to get the separation agreement in place, knowing how much the situation was hurting me? A person who couldn't even show enough respect to acknowledge the birthday of the person they were still married to?
I do believe it's this limbo and uncertainty which is doing all of the damage. When I left my job last year, I was hurt but also excited in a way -- I was now free to start a new company and get back to doing what I loved. I haven't been able to have that moment with this sitch. I guess it's coming soon.
