Finding and living compassionate indifference

[DnJ]

Hello cardinal

kml has much wisdom and her reasoning is sound. I’m glad her post is clearing up some ideas for you. You definitely got the right view. Let the L look into things a make suggestions, that’s their trade. You of course still have the final say.

Is it still following your beliefs if you are feeling exactly the opposite?

Yes.

When you make decisions and act based on values and thought and reason and logic. Your feelings don’t need to match. In fact for a good while they wont. Intellect and beliefs will influence your emotional self as you continue towards acceptance.

For me, now, my beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and therefore actions all move more or less in sync. It’s a pretty amazing outlook, especially when I consider what I used to feel like.

I'm also feeling like I could never fully forgive him or trust him again.

Feeling that way is understandable.

Don’t tie forgiveness to your feelings, it doesn’t work that way. Forgiveness doesn’t come from feeling better. Forgiveness comes from compassion and empathy, which comes from your values. Forgiveness frees your feelings.

Do also be careful tying forgiveness and trust. Those are separate items and values. I forgive XW. I don’t trust her.

I know feelings do change, I am trying to leave my future self the option of being open to what else could happen with H. I'm trying not to say or do anything right now I would regret later. I am hoping that eventually my feelings will align more with my beliefs.

Very good cardinal. Yes your feelings will change. And they will be influenced by, and align with, your beliefs and thoughts; keep a sharp mental sword.

I would like you to do something. Remove “try” from the above quote (could use “going” or other minor word changes). Read it that way. Say it aloud. It sounds different, yes? It sounds like a belief, a conviction. That is mental assertiveness and influence. That is one way to craft a belief.

I do get you want H to be happy and you wanting H’s relationship to fail. You can do both.

I do want XW’s relationship to explode and her to suffer and awaken to all that she did and the damage she caused. However, if, and I really mean this, if she cannot awaken I hope her and OM have a long and happy life together.

I’d rather she was back in the land of the real and could heal, but if that’s truly impossible I’d rather she have a good fantasy life than a horrible existence as a lost soul.

Of course I don’t choose her path. I only choose mine. I know and believe I’ve made good choices. Compassionate choices. I’m in a really good place, and share my path and lessons willingly.

You are doing great cardinal. Have faith.

D