kml—this primer you've shared is very helpful! Thank you. I started feeling overwhelmed as I was thinking through all of it, but now I have a clearer idea of what I for sure need to discuss in more detail with the L and why, and that's what Ls are for, right? To help guide you in things like this. H's income is about 3x mine in normal circumstances.
D—yep, and I think that's why my heart wants to resist what's in front of me right now. Can't compute how what's on the inside has changed so drastically. It has started to sink in slowly over the past year, which is I guess a benefit of having had that time. I can look back and see how different he's become. There's no denying that on my end, but there was still the tiniest wish he would start moving in the other direction. I swear I could already detect a little moodiness in him today after he's been so cheerful and friendly this week. If I have learned anything living with him in the past year, it's that his anger might seem to lift, but it's always only temporary. He returns to it, and chooses a new thing to help him run.
So:I believe that if I love H I should let him go and that I should want him to be happy; I even told him I wanted him to be happy. Right now though? I don't feel that way. Right now I want his R to fail and I want him to have to face himself and realize all his patterns will repeat, because he hasn't worked through them or taken responsibility for them. Of course I want him to realize that I'm not 100% to blame for the M or his unhappiness. Is it still following your beliefs if you are feeling exactly the opposite? It seems a little disingenuous when I am feeling much less generous and much more angry internally, but can still say, H, I want you to be happy. I'm also feeling like I could never fully forgive him or trust him again. But since I know feelings do change, I am trying to leave my future self the option of being open to what else could happen with H. I'm trying not to say or do anything right now I would regret later. I am hoping that eventually my feelings will align more with my beliefs.
I'm going to post this little quote I saved from Cadet, because I need it right now:
Originally Posted by Cadet
This is actually forward movement in the tunnel as much as you may not like it.
The MLC'er needs to believe that the marriage is totally destroyed to progress in REPLAY.
So yes it would be better to embrace this rather than fight it. I am not saying to not see a lawyer. Most definitely go see one ASAP Protect yourself as best as you can cause the saying that things might get worse before they get better is always an axiom.
Yes you are going to be in PAIN, that is part of his fuel so he can keep moving and thinking that ESCAPE and AVOID is going to save him. It wont. But he must learn this on his own
