Trying to Detach

[may22]

Oh, Cardinal, I almost didn't write that because I didn't want you to read it and think I didn't empathize with where you are and how you're feeling right now. I totally get that there is so much wrapped up in our marriages and our partners and our dreams and futures and all the rest. I actually think at first for me, those were the things that were harder-- the financial insecurity especially in the long term because much of "our" retirement cushion and health insurance stuff all comes through him; the loss of identity as his wife; the loss of your H as the person you knew in all ways-- lover, friend, partner; the loss of what you imagined would be in the future. All that is enormous and I am not for one second minimizing it. I guess for me I feel I've processed a lot of that and am ready and OK to face that fire for me. I'm just not ready to have them follow me through it.

(((cardinal))) I know you'll walk through that white-hot fire and come out fierce and lovely and glowing golden with zen peace shining in your eyes... that is how I imagine you.