Ending Limbo

[Core]

Well AS, you did something I didn't think could happen at this point. You knocked me back out of being 100 percent sure I'm ready to move on. Its guilt thats stopping me know. Not your fault by any means. Seeing the holes you poked in to our communications, I see how some more of this is my fault or something I could've done differently. I know whats going to happen though, as a WAS would, I'm going to find something else or validation to bring me back to 100 percent certain. As others pointed out with me not being fully detached, I still look for positives as well. There arent many.

I don't like what seems to work. What I mean by that..W has been in my mind causing conflict all day. She eventually said, "youre going to put the dishes away". I said, "you're going to ask me respectfully". I know, there is so much wrong with my response, I was utterly sick of her stuff and didnt care. She responded, "can you please put the dishes away"? She was nicer, more cheerful and alive for the rest of the day, even when the kids became a handful. If talking to her like that works, well I dont like it. For her and moreso for D4 and S. I dont want them to learn it.

Steve-good point on spilling milk. I thought that at one point as well. Of course a 4yo will spill milk, especially a gallon size. "No use crying over spilled milk". My parents would get upset at things like that which I think impacted my confidence and brought on some anxiety. As a kid, you feel blamed and think well, I just wont do it again or I cant do anything right.

Noted on the saying sorry when validating. I agree there. Both sides kind of make sense. Its like saying sorry a loved one passed away. It does seem like W makes her feelings my responsibility and if I say sorry, in her mind I may be guilty. Mayne a mix of your approach and ASs. AS, retro almost sounds good for life skills in general. It sounds like you got alot from it. I'm glad you went through the efforts to clean up how my old communications were. I can see I've got room for improvements as Im better now, but no where near like you wrote, especially at times of stress.