No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[LH19]

I went to bed yesterday thinking a lot about how centered I am and have been all the time on my W. Last time we talked she said something along the lines of "well you want me to see changes so listen to my hints". I cannot say or do anything right now in relation to her that will not harm me or my feelings.

Well number one she's manipulating you and number 2 you need to get emotionally stronger.

I am really tired of listening to things like "I am very sure we had to separate and it was the only way to make you see the truth" or "if you had changed 3 months earlier we would not be here" or "you are unstable in your actions"..,

She's manipulating you and you do seem a little unstable

I dont know why I stay there to listen to it all and the worst of all I accept it as true to the point that it hurts me for days.

Dude, you need to get emotionally stronger

If I make an attempt to go and tell her she is being disrespectful her reply is "well from now on we only talk about the kids and dont ever come into my house".

You should only be talking about the kids anyways

Ok! She is also losing a wonderful man, it is not my job to make her see it and she wont allow her heart to change.

She doesn't see it that way. What makes you so wonderful Pack?

Yesterday she told me the only reason we have not had a chance by now has been my behaviour, again because I picked a second L and I took advantage of covid to enforce shared custody.

She's manipulating you

I have been thinking also about what Steve told me, GAL with a mindset of letting my happy actions guide my feelings and not vice versa. I am going to read the detachment thread a lot and start implementing the steps there.

Now your thinking correctly!

I am going to find IC locally and really STOP all communications with W.

Exactly!

It's been a year and I was always thinking our M was alive because of the strength of its vows but the truth is that it has been over a year since we have had a healthy conversation.

Ahh the old for better or for worse fairytale.......

I have told her many times the best for our children is to have a family where their parents love each other and even when I see this as a basic truth, I think she has seen this as emotional manipulation as trying to use the children to force her to be with me.

Well number 1 you are manipulating her and applying pressure and guilt which is DB 101

She is always telling me all I have to do is understand her and change and that she will never go back to someone who can throw back at her any tiny part of her actions. I just want a fresh and opposite start, I think the happiness we would gain is worth leaving behind what has happened, maybe I am wrong and we are not meant for each other.

Well it takes two to make a marriage work and she has one foot out the door

could I ask some advice on little SMART goals in terms of the R with W? Something as:

> Stop all R talks
> Leave first when we exchange kids
> Detach from her
> ?

I think you really need to forget about your W right now and set some goals on understanding and attracting women. Also, IMO you need to get emotionally stronger.