No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[Pack_19]

hi all!

I went to bed yesterday thinking a lot about how centered I am and have been all the time on my W. Last time we talked she said something along the lines of "well you want me to see changes so listen to my hints". I cannot say or do anything right now in relation to her that will not harm me or my feelings.

I am really tired of listening to things like "I am very sure we had to separate and it was the only way to make you see the truth" or "if you had changed 3 months earlier we would not be here" or "you are unstable in your actions"..,

I dont know why I stay there to listen to it all and the worst of all I accept it as true to the point that it hurts me for days. If I make an attempt to go and tell her she is being disrespectful her reply is "well from now on we only talk about the kids and dont ever come into my house". Ok! She is also losing a wonderful man, it is not my job to make her see it and she wont allow her heart to change. Yesterday she told me the only reason we have not had a chance by now has been my behaviour, again because I picked a second L and I took advantage of covid to enforce shared custody.

I have been thinking also about what Steve told me, GAL with a mindset of letting my happy actions guide my feelings and not vice versa. I am going to read the detachment thread a lot and start implementing the steps there. I am going to find IC locally and really STOP all communications with W. It's been a year and I was always thinking our M was alive because of the strength of its vows but the truth is that it has been over a year since we have had a healthy conversation. It has been many years since I am a much lower priority in her life than our children and she did a huge mistake thinking the way to fix our M was to have a second child in a point when we were starting to be more engaged with each other. I also made many mistakes that I will erase from my personality.

I have told her many times the best for our children is to have a family where their parents love each other and even when I see this as a basic truth, I think she has seen this as emotional manipulation as trying to use the children to force her to be with me. She is always telling me all I have to do is understand her and change and that she will never go back to someone who can throw back at her any tiny part of her actions. I just want a fresh and opposite start, I think the happiness we would gain is worth leaving behind what has happened, maybe I am wrong and we are not meant for each other.

could I ask some advice on little SMART goals in terms of the R with W? Something as:

> Stop all R talks
> Leave first when we exchange kids
> Detach from her
> ?

Thank you all for your help!