The ONLY way your H will do the kind of internal work you're talking about is if CONSEQUENCES are imposed for his bad behaviour. That's why I keep harping on about the importance of YOU being the one to leave if you want any chance of reconciliation. He won't change unless he feels enough pain and shame to do so, and even then he might turn and run for the rest of his life - that's the risk you have to be willing to take. You have to leave him and be willing to lose him forever as a result. On his part - he will never value something he has never had to earn. On your part - unconditional love does not mean being an enabler.
I 100% agree with this.
And none of it is done in the spirit of punishing your H - to give out 'consequences' like you do to a misbehaving child. It isn't you he's really fighting with, it's the fact of life, and one of these facts of life is that you can't have all the benefits of a committed marriage in which to raise children and enjoy the intimate and caring benefits of a wife if you are a liar and a cheat. You didn't make that rule.
