This is sort of expanding on my question above, but how happy and upbeat do I have to be acting right now? It seems exhausting to keep pretending I’m great! Don’t care that H is an alien and finally has an OW! I had lost my appetite this week, didn’t feel good yesterday, and definitely don’t feel like eating now. I know I shouldn’t go around the house crying around him, but can I just be quiet and non-jokey if he engages? Can I just be however the heck I feel like being right now in my own house? I feel like I have to be a certain amount of “normal” until we have an agreement while he seems calm and happy about OW, so it can hopefully benefit me too. But it feels so strange to act like nothing has changed, and I am unaffected. I mean... it’s not a shock, but I’m—no surprise—still grieving old H. And I’m stressed about not having health insurance once the D timeline starts ticking, plus a hundred other things.
