So last weekend we took the girls out of town, state parking hiking and a night in a hotel in a nearby city with a mask mandate. We just needed to get out. I planned the state park thing as a day trip. He came to me 2 nights before and said let's book a hotel, pulled out the laptop showed me hotels. Said "hey this one is the same as the one we stayed at on our wedding night. Prices are good. Girls will get their own beds." He booked it and away we went last weekend and we had such a wonderful time. The girls only complained once, the entirety of the last half mile of the hike...lol. We got so much quality family time in. I slept with D17 in the hotel because I didn't want to push any boundaries of his. But he was much more affectionate with me around the girls for the weekend.
Monday night he came home from work and told me he took some time off my birthday weekend since he knew I had taken off on my birthday, and then suggested we plan 2 or 3 nights away with the girls. I just smiled big and said yeah let's do that. Last night he came home from work and it was just me and him. D16 back at her moms, and D17 was with her BF. He asked if he could come back in the bed. I said I've told you for months you're welcome back whenever you'd like as long as no one else is coming into the bedroom with you. He said but they changed my hours and I'm worried about waking you up. I said you aren't quiet, our house is small you wake me up any way. He said ok. I left for a run with my bff and he moved all his stuff out of the living room and into the bedroom. He slept with me last night, and held me the whole night. Sweet kisses before he left for work this morning. It's been more than 7 months since we've fallen asleep and woke up like that on purpose. It's been more than 7 months since I had a bunch of sweet morning kisses, and a few butt pats, and telling me to go back to sleep and check in texts following.
He's been talking about things in the future like not in weeks so much any more but in months and years. I've made it back to his main social media since this past weekend. Still no big R talk. There's no begging on his knees. Just slow steady steps forward. I have to say since all this began this is the first time I've felt like I'm not constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. If I'm totally honesty I think it's going to take me a really long time to not feel like some else awful is just around the corner, but I finally feel like I can let my guard down a bit. Be a little more vulnerable. Be a little more sweet than I normal would be. Be more me, instead of this measured version of myself 24/7.
