Core, good job at listening and validating even when she's being a b****. It all sounds pretty miserable, if you have to pursue D to save yourself then do what you need to do. I don't see her changing as long as the limbo continues.
But I do agree with IW regarding detachment, D doesn't necessarily lead to detachment. My brother has been D'd for over 10 years and still isn't detached. I mean he doesn't pine away for his XW, but he is still convinced that she is responsible for his financial woes, his lack of interest in dating, etc. And that too is a form of attachment.
