Its exhausting in the morning coming out of that hazy land of sleep and then realizing he is the first thing I'm thinking about. Literally everyday.
I will freely admit in the past I broke NC with stupid things that weren't necessary and was always surprised he answered me so quickly and it was friendly. I wish now I had not done those things as they just reek of pursuit and desperation.
I was very business like in the two times I needed docs. Not rude but anything I wrote out I made sure to go back and eliminate 30% of it keeping it as short and to the point as possible.
But, I noticed I would feel so grimy and dirty after these contacts. I mean like literally GROSS. So I talked with someone why this is - it as brought to my attention that it wasn't that the contact was wrong and what was making me feel so awful was the fact I'm doing something against my core beliefs. Divorce is against my core beliefs. It was suggested that I stop and tell him to just get an atty to move forward because I can't willingly participate.
I totally see what she is saying but I can't go back on this.... I don't have to move quickly. Right now its just "words" but the settlement could be in my favor $25-50k. I shouldn't walk away from that. Its stupid to let attys eat that up and to p*ss it away, NOW, when push comes to shove and there is a settlement on the table he may not keep his word - I understand that... but I have the best divorce lawyer in town so I have my faith in her.
****** I'M DOWN 28LB *******
^^^^^ I have friends from high school on social media reach out and tell me how beautiful I am. That really helps my ego!!! Especially at 50 with significant hair loss at the moment.
