And these are issues he has had all along, every since I've known him.
You didn't break him, and you can't fix him. If his family think you are controlling, it's probably because they - in small or large ways - taught him that hearing 'no' means the person saying no is in the wrong. He sounds like a spoilt baby in some of these interactions, who cannot believe that another human being gets preferences and gets to say no and gets to determine how she thinks and feels about something, even if he doesn't agree with it or like it. And I suspect he got that from his family of origin. Was he the golden boy?
My H is suffering - he really really is lost without his punch bag. And his choices are to change, to find another punch bag, or to carry on suffering. I hope he finds a way through this and I am sorry for the suffering he is going through, but I am not caring for him by damaging myself any more. It might mean we're just not compatible: maybe my H is only capable of feeling loved if he gets to rage and sulk and have that tended to. Perhaps your H is only capable of a marriage where he is hero-worshipped and gets to do whatever he likes and never has to experience the discomfort of responsibility and self knowledge. I think a lot of this is to do with maturity. I have had to grow up a LOT in this situation. So have you, May. Pain is what moved us towards self-growth. Our H's are experiencing that now too, and it isn't a loving act to rob them of the discomfort that causes positive change. Let your H sit with your 'no' for a while and deal with it in whatever way he sees fit. Don't be afraid.
