The thing is, May, that the reasons your H doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you have nothing to do with you. It’s about his unwillingness to compromise or reciprocate or meet expectations or have responsibilities or deal with conflict or share his needs WITHOUT keeping score or silently resenting and blaming his partner. Your H’s problem is his sense of entitlement and his inability to empathise. Your H won’t have a successful relationship with you, or OW, or anyone else for that matter, until and unless he addresses this problem within himself. Let go of the fear that he will be different or better for her, and that might help with your fear of ‘losing’ to the OW if he does ever leave you.
THIS. THIS. THIS. I felt this viscerally. This describes my H so very well, and probably yours too May. And the piece about fear of him being better or different for “her” stings, so I know it rings true. This is so so so hard. May I think you know what you should do in regards to this trip, and I can feel how scary it feels to hold that line. If there’s anything I’ve learned through this is that when things like that feel scary in these situations, that probably means it’s the right thing to do. That’s where the space is created for change and momentum and growth. It’s how you get unstuck. I really think you are doing amazingly.
