Finding and living compassionate indifference

[DnJ]

Hello cardinal

I feel like I should be in a place a year later where I am totally accepting that M is over, D is just a formality at this point, and I think I am there a lot of the time, but then—it's true, the feelings are in the forcefield, within me—all this stuff rises up, reminding me that deep down the feelings are still there: I don't want D and am still grieving so hard, and D feels like a whole new round of grief, even if it shouldn't mean anything different.

Be gentle on yourself. (((cardinal)))

Divorce is never just a formality. This takes time to accept as does the separation, the end of R, his cheating, his lying, etc. You are doing very well. I mean that!!!

I know you don’t want a divorce. And I empathize with your feelings.

Indifference mutes your emotions and allows you to find your beliefs and convictions. You, my dear cardinal, understand and even believe in compassion. Follow your beliefs. Those are your headings during this storm. Feelings change quickly; beliefs are slow to alter. Look to what you have crafted and strengthened. Look to who cardinal is.

Finding and living compassionate indifference.

I am hopeful there is a different future with H; that I can't believe I will never see the H I knew again; that I both feel like I will always believe in our love, always hope, and also fear that I will always hope. That I will always be longing for what we had, for the life I lived with H and a version of it where we evolved.

I can't find it hard to believe I will never see the H I knew again...

I can't believe I will am dumbfounded that I may never see the H I knew again...

Please, “can’t believe” keeps you stuck. I was there. It is really amazing at what we hear and the influence it exerts.

I understand, and remember, believing in love and hope, and fearing I would always love and hope. Let go your fear. It’s ok.

Have faith, you will not always be longing for the life you had, or for H. Things become more just a memory, a fact, a value.

I'm just still so... sad about the way things are, even if I can have more joyful days and moments. The word "sad" seems incredibly inadequate. Underneath there's this bottomless well of grief and longing to have my M back. It's painful to have these good memories of us right now. I have to trust DnJ and others who are further along are right, that they won't be so painful with time.

Yes, sad is so inadequate for describing this feeling.

The stage of grief that usually proceeds acceptance is depression. This is depression. Bottomless sadness and longing. It feels like it will never end. Know different. Believe different.

Your feelings are fine and perfectly normal. In fact they do you credit; the deeper and truer your love (and loss) the greater the depression. Grief is our emotional journey. Acceptance is our emotional understanding.

I am honoured to have earned your trust cardinal. It is very true, in time this will be look upon with a much different perspective, and without the pain and sadness you are currently experiencing.

Counterintuitive. You found compassion. You have compassion. Believe in it. Live it.

Continue moving forward with compassion. Especially for yourself. You deserve and are worthy of it.

I've worked so hard on finding compassion for H. Maybe it's time to really work on allowing myself to feel what I feel, instead of working so hard to resist it. That is hard when I am afraid of what I feel, or when what I feel happens to be the bottomless well of sadness.

As indifference lifts our feelings return. Having done the inner work and knowing and crafting who you are happy with - believe in her. Feel your feelings and follow your values. Don’t worry, feelings are fleeting, they will change. Even if it doesn’t feel that way.

Grieving. It's hard. It's exhausting. It sometimes feels like a full-time job. Letting go. I don't think I can consciously do it or hurry it up. I think I have to trust that I am trying and that it will happen on its own.

Very well said. Much wisdom.

Yes, grief takes as long as it takes. It will be done when it done and not a second earlier. Remember, grief is our emotional journey. We only control our thoughts and actions, which can influence our emotions. Follow your values and beliefs.

Answers, steps towards acceptance, present themselves when we sit quietly, when we focus on ourselves, when we live and keep moving forward. These answers are to question we don’t yet realize. These answers come when not forced.

I am glad you liked the song. It does bring the tears doesn’t it.

What type of bread did you bake today?

D