Look at his weasel words. "I need to be completely out of contact FOR THIS TRIP with her." His weakness is both pathetic and staggering. There's only one answer that will satisfy you, I think, and he's not giving it. "I have permanently deleted and blocked all possible forms of contact with OW." He's just flattering you to buy himself more time while he gets the prize of the family vacation. "It's for the children!" Using your children to guilt you is awful and manipulative.
Yes. I see this, absolutely. I still think I could be comfortable if he did the above-- permanently deleted and blocked all possible forms of contact with OW-- just because that is how I am. I don't think I'd do a lot of checking or anything. But that isn't what he is offering at this moment, and temporary halting isn't enough.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
It's silly comparing verification to childishness. Loan officers verify when extending credit. The last time I hired a housecleaner I verified her references, and she verified my payment info.
Ha! Yes.
I wrote him a note back. I said, I get that you feel like you're being treated like a child. But... you aren't being treated like a child. You're being treated like a liar. Which, unfortunately, you have proven to be time and time again. So that is where we are and your word simply isn't enough any more.
I also said, I don't want to go on this trip if I'm worried you're still in touch with her. I also don't want to go on this trip and not be worried because you are out of contact with her for that month only, have a great time as a family, and then get hit with another bomb when we get home because you decide to get back in touch with her. I think I'm setting myself up for an even worse trauma than what happened in June and my mental health can't sustain that again.
I don't trust that you're not in contact with her right now. I don't trust that you aren't telling her "give me this month and this vacation and then we'll be together." Sorry. I simply don't have that trust. And in order for me to participate on this trip, I need to have that security-- cutting off all contact and means of contact with her permanently. If you aren't comfortable doing that for whatever reason, maybe this trip wasn't meant to be. If you want to work on our marriage in any capacity, that has to happen first. And if you can't do it... then why bother trying?
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
