Thanks dejavu. It was a bummer. I’m feeling mostly hopeless. Times are really rough for me over here. I’m considering returning to IC. I feel hopeless and depressed lately. Running a marathon with no end in sight. I know this year J’s been hard on everyone. But I’m getting beaten down.
My FB memories came up from our vacation last year. I’m sad. I’m just so sad it didn’t work out. I remember when that little boy told me on vacation that I could be his bonus mom and he came over and gave me the biggest hug. I am going back there a lot, I know, but I just think I might never get over it fully. I think I knew it was my last chance at the “family” I never had. It was hard to lose.
It was a nice weekend though. The kids had a ball, I’m burnt and tan and I ate good food and had some good drinks. Insocialized with my dads friends who are very nice. I of course, the only non couple at the table aside from the kids. I was very happy to see my daughter happy, but deep deep down, there is just this awful emptiness. My daughter fills my heart up for sure , and she’s the reason I go on breathing...... but that deep pit of pain won’t go away.
I’m going to take steps to feeling better. I just don’t know what they are yet
