Trying to Detach

[may22]

FlySolo..... yes. LOL. Guess the silver lining of all of this is that self-care is once again a part of my life. (And why is it not the same for dads???)

I just told him that in order for me to be comfortable going on this trip, I had to feel comfortable that he was not going to be in contact with her at all, and the current situation wasn't going to do it. I needed him to delete WhatsApp, block her phone number and email, probably in front of me. He said he couldn't delete WhatsApp because he has a colleague in another country with whom it is their primary means of communication, and so I said then you need to send an email asking her to respect your decision and maybe I need to see that email.

He said, okay. He also feels he needs to be completely out of contact for this trip with her too. Then, though, he said he can't feel like I'm laying down the law and he's submitting. That it makes him feel that this will be the rest of our lives. I said, I'm not telling you to do this. I'm just telling you what I need in order to go. I don't want to live like this forever. But we're in a fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me situation right now.

He wrote me a note and gave it to me. It reiterates what he said above. The only way to do this trip and be fair to me and to himself is to have her completely out of the picture for the trip (but I don't think this means he's committing to the MR or to her being completely out of the picture forever). That he knows I have trust issues with him and he has trust issues with our future. But he doesn't like being treated like a child and I can either trust him now, or not. But he still really wants to make this trip happen. Please don't make this trip a forcing issue for us to stay together or not. Can't it just be a trip, and a pause, for the girls, and we can come back to the hard stuff after, as necessary?

I don't think I should budge on the transparency. I also feel like I'm at a place right now where we could split and I could deal with it. I don't know that I'll feel like that after a fun family vacation-- my guess is that I'll feel more like I did in June and this will all just be extra hard and damaging again. He needs to be able to understand my side of this and at least respect my feelings and needs. Right?