Nothing Left To Try

[BlueSea]

Spiral - You can take this however you want...but I have wanted to post, but since I don't know anything about anything I felt I should not comment.

You have clearly been following the DB doctrine to the t, no doubt. But what about the one item MWD mentions, keep checking on what works and doesn't work. Is it working?

I think WAW and WAH are different. I see alot of WAH are married to over controlling women, or drama filled, generally a wife that is 'too' much, whether in arguing or in the husband's face a lot in some way. For WAW, I see their husbands were generally cold, non communicative, falling more on the non-emotional side, the put up or shut up mentality. Were you like this? Because if that is the case, then more of that behavior, would just repel.

I am not in your shoes, I am not in your situation - and only commenting based on what I see as a woman whose husband is very short on words or affection. The tables in my situation have turned recently - he was walking and I was wanting him back. Now, its more of a stalemate - we are both trying/considering if this will work. Anyway, when H is being cold (like just this morning) I casually mention, 'why so gruff?' and he doesn't realize that he is being that way and softens. At this point in our situation if he doesn't get that he has to be nice/communicative/kind - then I am going to walk. But the point is, being gruff and distant, is not attractive to a woman/wife that wants affection and kindness demonstratively shown daily. If that drove her to OM, do you think the hard DBing is just showing that you will never soften/change?

What I am saying is if you were gruff before, do a 180 and not be so gruff...if you want it, though it does seem like you have moved on. And the way things sound, its a done D deal at this point. So what is there to lose if you tried a different approach here?

Take it or leave it, I am constantly getting pummeled by the vets for what I do, but always appreciated advice - so I hope you can take this in the intention it was meant. One thing I do agree on, is GAL and detach, those are lifesavers!