The behaviour of an MLCer is hard to read. They can run hot and cold, nice then angry, all being driven from their emotional path. H’s latest being nice, of course makes you suspicious. It is interesting when they start paying attention again; to people and pets they’ve ignored for years. Pets being the least hurt by their behaviour and therefore the less threatening, are the first the MLCer usually emotionally reaches out to.
Originally Posted by Foxpop
I am very suspicious but curious as H has been firmly in his own bubble for so long. But I’m keeping my head down, staying friendly but at a distance and observing whilst keeping my guard up and trying really hard to keep my hopes at zero. This could hurt if I don’t so I’m going to keep doing me.
Yes, there is a possibility for further hurt. However, you know H’s projections and justifications, his lashing out, is all about him not you. Therefore it cannot hurt you. You are stronger and wiser than you think.
Good for you to remain friendly and at a distance. Notice not “but at a distance” - wording influences us more than we realize. Friendly and distance are compatible, no need to use but. But denotes and defines the sharp contrast between incompatible items, makes things look like a either/or scenario; friendly / distance - need not be defined that way.
A word on hope as well. It is expectations you need to keep at zero. Hope, you can allow and encourage to live.
Expectation is hope with a timeframe, with a deadline. Expectations have a time component which can expire and therefore becomes unmet. Expectations also have a more realistic possibility, as in they are much more likely to be probably. Unmet expectations breeds resentment, which erodes at us.
The other end of the spectrum is wishes. These are hopes that are far more fantasy based. Unrealistic and unlikely to come to fruition. As in, I really wish I win the lottery.
This is the spectrum of hope/desire. Expectations to wishes, realistic to fanciful. Hopes lay in the middle, with no timeframe, and embraces the possibilities. Hope lives within the possibilities.
To keep expectations to zero, remove the timeframe. It’s ok to hope.
Continue moving forward and doing you, focusing on you. H might be looking about and noticing some stuff; and I do hope so. However, as you wisely know, that doesn’t alter your course.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
