I was reading about WASes “hitting rock bottom” over in the big d forum. It got me thinking that I have been secretly wishing that there would be one day my H would hit rock bottom and come back from alien land. But maybe he did not turn into an alien, this is the way he truly is. Have I been seeing him through rose-colored glasses all these years? Out of love? I thought he was loving, responsible, considerate, and kind. Do people fundamentally change? I am really sad right now. The fog may never lift or there was never even a fog. I may never understand why he became the man he is today.
I have been having the exact same thoughts about my H lately. My IC really pushed me to ask myself if maybe my H has been this way all along and my rose-colored glasses and emotional enabling made me view him as 'better' than he really was. I have cried and cried since that session. IC may be right. But then again, I am not so sure. I have such strong evidence of the loving, responsible, considerate and kind H of the past decade and a half. Which then leads me to believe that yes, maybe people really do change. And that makes me more sad, to think that H's changes (which I feel like I have supported and facilitated over the years) have made him grow away from me. I am a launching pad, destroyed in the lift-off. Oh, my heart.
All this to say, you are not alone. I am sad too. And I likely will be in your shoes in a few months. And I don't think I will ever understand why my H is the way he is today.
