I really do forgive and forget sometimes, if I did not journal I would have forgotten all about the times H’s ugliness reared its head.
May- with our M in pieces, it would be better for me to stay abroad until the kids finish hs. My family is here to help. And expenses are significantly lower. If I have to move back to get a good settlement.....that could be an option but the logistics would be difficult for the kids and myself. But I’m not ruling it out. To file in my home state I’d have to move back and stay for at least 6 months to reestablish residency.
I was reading about WASes “hitting rock bottom” over in the big d forum. It got me thinking that I have been secretly wishing that there would be one day my H would hit rock bottom and come back from alien land. But maybe he did not turn into an alien, this is the way he truly is. Have I been seeing him through rose-colored glasses all these years? Out of love? I thought he was loving, responsible, considerate, and kind. Do people fundamentally change? I am really sad right now. The fog may never lift or there was never even a fog. I may never understand why he became the man he is today.
