Ending Limbo

[Core]

My goal is not to save my M but to save me and give my kids a good life. Limbo and hatred dont mesh with that.

Hi Core, sounds like a bad, bad idea. You're mind-reading "she feels vulnerable and hurt and is protecting herself". Also, you already know she's neither in a place to commit to reconciliation nor ready to divorce you. There's no need to "pathetically ask" when in this moment (sorry) she despises you.

Avoid saying anything.

What actions could Core take to build himself up?

Thanks for the feedback CW. As far as how she feels, I'm nearly positive I'm on target. Not mind reading, more an understanding and knowledge from past chats with her, things I've learned DBing and how she talks to others currently.
Her despising me is why I want to have the chat. Time to sh or get off the pot. How would a victim feel...thats how she perceives herself, probably how she feels.

You say nothing. There is no last last last last last ditch effort . You are only going to make her see you worse than she already does. And it’s going to have absolutely zero effect.

Be effective. Just do it. Actions. No words . your have gotten you no where . And you’ve used a whole lot of them. She can’t stand you right now ( sorry for the harshness) and she really even loathe you more when you bring up memories.

Don’t do it. Be silent. I understand that can be very difficult, but you’ll certainly save some face

G, thank you. My take - the silent approach gives me pause. My reasoning, as messed up as she's been to me, she did cut off contact with OM and has "tried" to go to counseling. Her damage being so bad as giving her panic attacks mostly due to what I think is her early caregivers abandoning her around 4, I don't want to hurt her during this. As another human being and mother of my kids, I want to end the marriage gently as pushing her abandonment button when she distanced is partially why I believe I'm here. She wouldn't do the same for me but I'm not like her. Our last real R chat was a couple moons ago, and she asked for time then, not D.

Unless you want to get massively BDed.

Step away from your emotions - they are leading you right now, and you may regret making an emotional decision while you are in this state.

Calm yourself first. Get ahold of your anxiety.

Definitely in a state of high emotion at the moment of my last post. I plan to chat once Im more balanced out. If she BDs me, she does me a favor. I'd rather it be her.