Hi FS. I am still here just not as often. I am glad to see you are too.
Re: your kids. They will take their cues from you. They are watching you. My advice...I wouldn’t wait for them to tell you about the new girlfriend. My sense is that if they haven’t yet, it’s because they are trying to protect you. I would just identify the elephant in the room and tell them Daddy told you he is introducing them to his new friend and that you are completely fine with it (even if you aren’t) and there is no need for them to ever hide anything from you. Tell them that you want them to be okay and that they never have to worry about your feelings as it is your job, as their mom, to worry about theirs. Then plaster a smile on your face and let them see you are okay. This will take a big burden off of their shoulders.
There is a lot of change happening for them and for you. Show them that the best way to deal with change is to embrace it and focus on the prospect of new adventures and new people being added to your lives. It is all about attitude and teaching them by example (something you are great at, I know). Having said that, if they see you looking sad and they comment on it, don’t deny it. Just tell them it is normal to feel sad sometimes and that it enables us to really appreciate the good times when they happen. Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% what you do about it. Lots of opportunity for life lessons here. The most important thing is that you keep the lines of communication open as their natural inclination will be to protect you. I don’t know your kids but the other thing that could happen is that they meet her and like her and then feel guilty for liking her. So...I would also tell them it is okay if they like her. This reduces any conflicted feelings they might have.
I can appreciate the challenge with having his mom as your main child care option seeing as how my XMIL is mine. It is difficult sometimes. XH and I have finally, I think, established that when he needs her to look after the kids, he lets me know since this means they will inevitably be wandering upstairs to my part of the house and I may or may not be there. So far so good but it could definitely become a bone of contention if we let it.
Anyway...just wanted to drop by and let you know I haven’t disappeared. Just trying to navigate the online dating world after divorce. It would be nice if I was about 10 years younger but what can you do? At least I look it...lol. Take care and don’t be a stranger!! (((HUGS)))
