Ending Limbo

[Core]

I'm planning on one last loving conversation before calling it quits. Seeing as an R talk is already against the rules, and likely to push her away I dont want to overdo it by breaking too many rules. Even if I D today, we'll be stuck together for the process, due to covid and due to long daycare waiting lists. I'm thankful they've had the time at home that they've had.

I'm thinking of breaking one rule and talking about our old days, how I know she feels vulnerable and hurt and is protecting herself. I'd pathetically then like to ask her if any part of her wants to work on the M. When she asks for time, Ill ask what that means. If she says shes ready then Ill just say ok, and will call my attorney when Ive the chance to start this logistics untying. I dont know what else to say really. I wonder if she loves me but I doubt it and i might as well be crawling on my knees groveling by asking that. Theres nothing else I need to know. If she wants to work on things well thats a whole different dilemma im not ready for. Doubtful so focus is off that.

I know why this happened, as LH mentioned its likely avoidant-anxious dance. Her past is scarred and bubbled up, recreating her wounds and I suppose mine did as well. I know who my friends are now. I know I tried. I didnt give it a full year since BD. I may or may nor regret it long run. It will have been almost a year since she physically and emotionally left so im rationalizing that.

Any suggestions on this last ditch effort? What to say or avoid saying?