Ending Limbo

[Core]

I'm going to get nailed by the board here with this post and maybe I should. Hear me out first.

I wanted to take the kids to a public water park here. Barely used because of covid. My Ws friend had us watching her 4 and 2ish kids for the day. W asked to come along so they could all play. I said ok and we went out as a super big family.

I played in the water with the kids a bit and just felt something was wrong. After playing with the kids in the water for a bit, W was just cold, mean, distant. She asked me for a food pouch for the baby which slipped out my fingers and she sarcastically says "thanks", i got criticized for wiping sand off my leg, later on she complained twice at home for me not stacking dishes the way she wouldve liked. Anyways this is getting long but it continued.

She was supposed to have her counseling today. I see no bill and she texted a friend at the time. Total blow off. So shes not really going or cant get herself to go. So I did what a sane person would do (not) and snooped.

Thats where I'll get flack but know what, i have to protect myself, my kids, my interests and my future. I'm not living with someone who's having a bad day but someone who abhores me and has the power to destroy my life. Not like others here whose spouse has feelings and some kindess. Her friend whom I borderline saved her husband from a crap load of trouble with the law internet chatted with her. (This is NGS as I see I expect pleasantness in return to being a compassionate friend to them). Well W texted her friend along the lines of "lame faced hillbilly has such a farmer tan that He looks like a botched paint job". Her friend rolled on the floor. No my H looks like this, but a derogatory object looks like this.

Funny if it wasnt about me I guess. This is the seething hatred vibing in my house. Its not ok and I need to protect myself. She told another friend she should have a job by fall so she's making plans, just not communicating. All while telling others im not being a good person. Weird.

I've been painted black. I take this as the final sign I needed. This isnt healthy for the kids even if there are no visible arguments. This isnt better for them, I dont think it can be. This is the woman I've helped take two babies out of, helped her out of a bad area in to the best part of town. I'm such a bad person her and her companions can just degrade me. I saved her friends kid from getting a concussion or worse with a "dad save" which injured me for a week and she is going to encourage this?

Im fed up, and yes this cut through my skin. No it shouldnt but im weak and allowed it. I thought overall it couldve been a great day, yet I was judged and criticized by my W and someone who I considered a friend. Their kids are probably my kids best friends and I'll have to see them for years to come.

I see zero reason not to file. Yes W is going through a hard time. Yet I'm the target. Im guessing therapy may just be her cheating. She did call a therapist, I saw it but clearly didnt go. My days are worse with her around in it and i could moreso be enjoying these young years with the kids. This gorgeous bikini clad woman talked to me today when I took my kids again to the park without W. Telling me how cute the kids are and how nice im with them. A stranger who could be a model whom I would think avoids random men, treats me kindly while my friends and W think im a toxic slug. I want away from the truly toxic environment. I'll lose half my days with my kids but those days I get will be so much happier. Busier yes, more stressful yes. Am I fantasizing and partially ignoring how hard it will be, yes. But not as hard as living in a dead lonely marriage where I'm my Ws arch enemy. I didn't break her. She thinks so.