I did say I wanted to go on the trip *if* I felt confident that things were totally over with her forever.
Okay. Well, I think realistically there's absolutely nothing he can do in the next two weeks that is going to make that happen for you. I'd be surprised, to be honest, even if he put in 100% of commitment right now if you were able to feel like that after a year or two.
Piecing is long difficult work, involves risk, and your confidence in his honesty is not going to return for years, if ever.
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He told me today he spoke to her this morning and told her he wants to cut it off and work on the M.
He's said that to her before, apparently. And he had to have sex with her and lie to you about it in order to do his proper goodbye. I wonder how many of these episodes he's going to need?
Knowing that his words and actions mean pretty much nothing, and knowing that you're not ready to get the lawyers in, knowing that you've already been clear with him about your boundaries, knowing that if there is to be a D you want your H to instigate it so he can be the bad guy, and knowing that when you indulge his need for attention and drama you are rewarding the status quo, what is your plan of action?
I think your H has behaved absolutely atrociously and continues to do so - but I don't think you're his victim anymore, I think you've really elegantly devised a scenario where you will spin around in this game with him for months if not years and be able to hold him responsible for it.
I am so sorry to be hard here: I say it bluntly because I cannot believe this current situation is good for your heart and I want you to see that you could get out of it the second you choose to. You don't have to divorce him. You don't have to leave the house, even. But you could let your no be your no and refuse to give his drama any more oxygen. Why don't you? Do you know?
