Just dropping in to recommend a book called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay' to help you with your ambivalence.
Why the F is he reading and sharing a book about successful D when he has ostensibly recommitted to the marriage?
He wants to go. You want him to go. Neither is willing to rip the bandaid off. So limbo will continue.
Hi Scout,
I saw that book on Amazon last night-- will pick it up.
He *isn't* recommitting to the M, really. He's still freaking out. He said that with his mouth but not with his heart. He thinks that book will help him decide. Apparently he has wanted to get it for a long time but just picked it up. Also, it is framed as a book that isn't a celebration of D but as simply clearing out the myths of D, like "it is bad for the children" and "love is a verb not a feeling" and "marriages are hard work" blah blah blah. SO, maybe, ostensibly he saw it as a way to get out of ambivalence and stop being scared of some of the things he's scared of with D.
But when you read it, it is 100% someone trying to justify their own decision. There's this whole section on what well-meaning friends or family might say to you, like "marriage is hard work" and then has what that person is really thinking, which is "my marriage sVcks, why should you get out of it when I can't?" It is really a piece of work. Gross, really. I get that maybe it acts as a balancing act to what CL calls the reconciliation industrial complex. And, truth be told, I am spending a good amount of time with CL so if that is what it takes for me to say buh-bye and he needs someone to tell him it is OK to have fallen out of love with someone and once that happens you have no choice but to follow your own happiness, then OK.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
