#17 - Being the best H and father I can be!

[SteveLW]

LH, interesing perspectives, as always with you. Thanks for the resposnes.

I did not gloss over EA3, though it was not really much of an EA as EAs go. The first two she was in deep. The one you are talking about from last year was more of "liking the attention". She had no problem ending it, gave me full transparency, and was very remorseful and even grovelled. That is why I "glossed over it", because she did all the work in that one. I simply stated, "I refuse to be involved in having to constantly check up on you". It was amazing the difference in how I approached it and in turn how she approached it. I know it may have looked like I "glossed over it" but that was not the case. My detachment took over. I was never sad, angry, or emotional in any way. I simple drew a line in the sand and said "either you are in or out", and she fell over herself to prove to me she was in. And her behavior has been consistent since then.

I do take issue with your "successful reconciliation musts". Not because they aren't musts, because they are. But reconciliation is not something you ever go "okay, it is successful! NEXT!" It is a WiP. Forever. You cautioned me to be careful since I've never been through a D on how I characterize it, so I will push that back at you. You've never R'd so tread lightly.

However, the musts are true. A WiP reconciliation must have those things....and more for continued success!

What I can tell you, is there indiscretion last year proved to me that 1-3 are there. She does view me of someone of extremely high value. She does view her relationship with me as better than with someone else or alone. And she is willing to work with me to win.

I could spend plenty of time on those 3 and how they are present, but to be honest, I do not need to. I know they are there now, and that is good enough for me.

As far as the other "issues" you bring up, she has made leaps and bounds in a lot of areas, including housekeeping. Will she ever be the neat freak, anal retentive OCD level that I am at? Absolutely not, but I have no complaints as she has 180'd nicely on keeping house over the last couple of years.

And I think you misunderstood what I meant by "always being on". This is not something that I have to do to please her. This is related to me and my 180s. When the old man starts to rear its ugly head, I have to tamp it done. Just like our trip a couple of weeks ago, that night at the hotel after a 14 hour road trip, my D started doing some light complaining about things. The old Steve85 started to surface...the angry bitter "I just spent 14 hours in a driver's seat don't mess with me!" guy. After a trip to the restroom I came out and calmly apologized to my D for being grumpy. THAT is what I am talking about...always having to check myself when I have a moment of slipping into being someone that I don't ever want to be again. Not for my W. Not for my D. BUT FOR ME! They are just the beneficiaries of that commitment to myself.

Thanks LH, as always you make me think...and I appreciate that.