Trying to Detach

[may22]

Feeling anxious and cr@ppy today. I had a meeting that turned into a potential job offer, and/or if I wasn't interested in a fulltime job, they want to find opportunities for me to consult with them. She's sending me a JD and compensation package on the weekend.

I just feel depressed about it. It would be a high-energy place to work and just knowing how my brain has been the past year, going into a D is not the time to embark on a big new job. My executive coach thinks I should actually take a step down in my current job- go to 32 hours a week- to maintain FT status and benefits but reduce my salary so as to reduce any possibility of paying spousal support to my H. She coaches many executive women and said she didn't want to scare me but she's seen it happen with a dozen of her clients. (She is also Ded and remarried, her first H was a serial cheater and she has said multiple times she knows that experience is coloring her advice, but that doesn't change her advice either.) I suspect that this job may pay substantially more than my current one and so from that aspect alone it might not be a good idea to take it.

I'm just sad and mad that he's put us in this place that I can't even be happy that I have so many job opportunities in front of me right now. I have another meeting on Friday morning about joining a big firm as an adjunct consultant. All of this would have been reason for excitement and gratitude and a little bit of the "pinch me, I *am* good at what I do and it is recognized" feelings. Instead I just feel down. Maybe something to talk about with the IC later today.