Are you familiar with the Pavlov and his dogs experiment. That's what is happening with you during the drive and every time the bell rings (so to speak) you get a cortisol dump which puts you into fight or flight mode. Unfortunately this will probably continue for awhile.
I think you need to be honest with him and let him know that you are taking time to see if this is what you want moving forward. Also, you are not his mommy you are his wife. He made this mess and he needs to repair it with the kids and you. That means he makes his own appointments and follows through on his word like a big boy.
Make him earn it. That's the only way it works long term. When he speaks you just listen. Otherwise you should be giving him space and GAL.
