I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 19

[SteveLW]

He is seeing that the grass isn't greeener. But guess who he is blaming for that? This is standard WAS mentality and behavior.

He is also trying to manipulate you into releasing the FO. I have no doubt that this is what this is all about. He said "email your atty and get me a settlement offer" because he didn't think you'd do it. He thought you would contact him and say "can't we just keep this cordial and keep the attorneys out of it." When you did what he said it irritated him.

But a lot of that is darned if you do, darned if you don't. WSs in particular are notorious for this. Whatever you do will not be good enough. You could say "forget it, here have all of the money" and he would find fault with it. It is part of his narrative to himself to convince himself that what he did was justified and okay. He can't go back to OW and talk about how wonderful his soon-to-be-ex is. He has to be negative to garner the sympathy he wants. To make her think he is the poor put upon victim.

I saw this when a friend of mine had an affair, and she was convinced that her AP was a saint, and that his W was Satan. This was the way she could square with herself that it was okay that she was the OW. "If it wasn't for his daughter and having to pay support, then then he would leave this awful, vile human-being." I happened to know the other side of this and that she wasn't as bad as he was claiming she was. And over time I convinced my friend (this was years ago by the way) the the real villains in all of this was her OM for the lying and cheating he was doing, and her for being the OW and falling for his line of garbage. (And for cheating on her own H to boot.) But this is what cheaters do.

KC, you have been overly accommodating to him. You have been as nice as iced tea on a summer day. So he zeroes in on the few things he can "blame" you for. The FO. Making him drive an old, beater of a truck. Saddling him with the time-share. He has to make you the villain to justify his own devious and evil actions. And to commiserate about with OW. "Now guess what she is making me do!"

The good news is that none of this changes anything you should be doing. And that is remaining NC. Sticking to the rules of NC. And not getting caught up in his crazy.