Living with a WAS/MLC husband...who does not care

[BlueSea]

Thank you LH, Sage, Steve

LH - I will give him space, this I do struggle with, I need to get a tattoo that says -- be patient

Sage4 - 16D is still mad, but will go along. 13S is quiet but optimistic, he adores his Dad, or used to at least.
Thank you for your post - I am so clueless on DB and the techniques here - I really needed to read what you wrote because I would not have known to do that, ie, "he broke it, he fixes it, don't step in". I would have totally 'helped' with checking if he is making IC appts and offering advice with kid relationships.

The more he does this on his own, the better the outcome for you as a family.

Makes total sense - but again - I would have completely missed it. Please come back if you can and point out the obvious to me, because its just not so obvious to me.

Steve - I am so sorry that you had an off day with your S. Its hard to be the veteran. I just assume its easy because you know so much. Thank you for always offering your advice to me on my situation. I am taking it day by day and always praying for direction and sending up gratitude.


Yesterday
In the evening, H texted he wanted to go for a drive. Honestly, I was fearful to go. That drive always meant something not good. But, my son gave me a pep talk, and I went. H was really full of conversation, we talked more in that 30 min drive than the past 5 months.
This scenario (of just having a simple conversation) is so strange now, I struggle with being at ease around him when he is being nice...something in me gets this fight or flight feeling that something bad is about to happen. It was almost like a panic feeling. I need to chill. He kept saying that "this is a marathon, not a sprint" -- I need to continue to detach -- so that no matter what happens I will be okay. He did get emotional, he did reach for my hand and held it - but now I find that I have no feelings around him, his emotionality, or his reaching for my hand. Now he wants to hug, and I really just don't want to anymore.

I did a lot of listening and added some banter so it would not get awkward - but overall - I think it was good I went, even if I had to push myself to do it. Any advice on how I should be or not be?