Yes the money situation can be an issue - I am in a similar boat.
I took small steps to insulate myself from Ws financial behavior over the past 21 months. It was necessary - and it had the effect of her seeing a glimpse that I kept things afloat and how I had insulated us from financial ruin despite such low salaries. It was a reality check, however brief.
At any rate - I dont pay attention to what W spends $ on anymore. It's her money, it's her debt. She doesn't pay things for me and I no longer pay bills for her. That was part of her wanting independence, so that's what I did. I didnt say I was doing it, I just slowly stopped doing it.
There are a few mutual bills that haven't had our names switched yet. I find this very odd because it's been nearly 2 years - but remember that logic doesn't work here. I leave that issue alone for the time being, things are calm and it's not important to switch the names at the moment (though when the anger phase was here I nearly did). If W decides to leave and says something, I'll do it then.
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough day. Keep working at detachment - keep trying to separate your feelings from his. Trying to understand them when they are like this is a waste of our time.
