Can't really put my finger on it, there have been no specific incidents or problems, just a general feeling of malaise and unhappiness.
Pretty sure 97% of all long-term marriages go through these periods
Originally Posted by Steve85
First, things with my D, now 17, are really improved. Other than we she is beefing with her BFF (like she is right now), our relationship is greatly improved. We just did a road trip for a family wedding a few states away (wedding was delayed 3 months due to corona), and we got along great. Being an only child she will always have a sense of entitlement and be a bit spoiled, but the anger and venom she had towards me 2 years ago seems to be gone.
This is great news and is a testament of your hard work
Originally Posted by Steve85
My W and I also are getting along well. We are better than we have been in all of our marriage.
I guess this is where I get confused on what the problem exactly is right now
Originally Posted by Steve85
But as I've said before, Ring and piecing is difficult. I think it is even more difficult than Ding. Ding is like ripping off a bandaid. It hurts but then the healing begins.
Have you ever gone through a divorce Steve? Ever been mandated by the courts that you can only see your children half the time? Tread lightly my friend.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Ring and piecing is like putting on a bandaid, ripping it off, over and over and over again. It is work.
Marriage is hard work. Maybe you can explain more
Originally Posted by Steve85
And it is hard, arduous, difficult work that requires you to be ON all the time.
I think you feel you are not enough and you need to be on all the time or else she will start to look for the external validation again. Did she work through that in IC? If she did then you shouldn't have to worry about being on all the time.
Originally Posted by Steve85
There is a lot of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" on both sides. The WAS keeps looking at the LBS wondering if one slip up is the start of the old behaviors returning.
Sounds like mindreading to me
Originally Posted by Steve85
And there is obvious trust issues going the other way from the LBS to WAS. After 2 years and 3 months of official RIng and piecing I can honestly say that it is still a work in progress. And I am beginning to believe that it will be for the rest of our lives together.
Well Steve that is what happens when you choose to stay married to someone who has lied and cheated. You use those exact statements on the board all the time
Originally Posted by Steve85
So if you are in a position as a LBS, where you get a choice to walk away yourself, or move to Ring and piecing, consider carefully what you want. Because if you think "oh we work through this and things go back to normal in a few weeks or months or years", think again. I know the phrase "new normal" is way over used in this current COVID world, but your MR will never go back to a previous normal, ever again.
I thought the whole idea of DB was to get to a marriage 2.0 and not go back to the previous normal. Seems to me you are living the DB dream or is there something you are not telling us?
