#17 - Being the best H and father I can be!

[Core]

So I mentioned in Bluesea's thread that I was having "one of those days". Not really sure how to describe it but I just was having a feeling of, blah. Like now that we are well over 2 years into this Ring and piecing, I am questioning if I made the right choice again. Can't really put my finger on it, there have been no specific incidents or problems, just a general feeling of malaise and unhappiness.

Sorry to hear about the uneasiness Steve. I think anyone and everyone whom goes through the process will have these days where the pain, doubts, distrusts or anything unaddressed perks right back up. Especially if there was a trigger whether conscious or not. Hoosjim felt the same at times according to some of his feedback. Someone here wrote that the LBS may always have doubts. Here's my thoughts on that....any relationship can end at any moment. The difference im someone like you is that you dont ignore that fact. Its much easier to feel secure and believe D can never happen to us, or that our spouse wont stray. In the end, it happens to at least half of us. You knowing this have the advantage over a blind fool. You actively battle yourself and your demons to make a best life, lowering the chances of poor outcomes.

First, things with my D, now 17, are really improved. Other than we she is beefing with her BFF (like she is right now), our relationship is greatly improved. We just did a road trip for a family wedding a few states away (wedding was delayed 3 months due to corona), and we got along great. Being an only child she will always have a sense of entitlement and be a bit spoiled, but the anger and venom she had towards me 2 years ago seems to be gone.

Glad to hear about the improvement.

But as I've said before, Ring and piecing is difficult. I think it is even more difficult than Ding. Ding is like ripping off a bandaid. It hurts but then the healing begins. Ring and piecing is like putting on a bandaid, ripping it off, over and over and over again. It is work. And it is hard, arduous, difficult work that requires you to be ON all the time. There is a lot of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" on both sides. The WAS keeps looking at the LBS wondering if one slip up is the start of the old behaviors returning. And there is obvious trust issues going the other way from the LBS to WAS. After 2 years and 3 months of official RIng and piecing I can honestly say that it is still a work in progress. And I am beginning to believe that it will be for the rest of our lives together.

So if you are in a position as a LBS, where you get a choice to walk away yourself, or move to Ring and piecing, consider carefully what you want. Because if you think "oh we work through this and things go back to normal in a few weeks or months or years", think again. I know the phrase "new normal" is way over used in this current COVID world, but your MR will never go back to a previous normal, ever again.

This is good information Steve. If religion isn't a factor and there are no kids involved, I think this is why it is beneficial for some to go for the D if trust is too far gone. Not worth the lifelong struggle in some cases. When kids are involved or both spouses agree to make it work, I think its a battle worth fighting. (Sans abuse). The stats about couples who go through hell and fight through it, finding happiness 5 years later is promising.