I just want to make a suggestion that you can take or leave, but I'm still thinking about what happened a couple of weeks ago and the fear (and utter bravery) I felt in your posting about it. And the other situation you shared more recently where he flipped out about the alcohol bottle. It feels to me that there is maybe a little more going on here than just whether or not he wants to work on the M or not, and maybe you both need a little space for him to detox and for you to feel safe again. It is great that he is saying he wants to want the M and he's willing to do counseling etc, but maybe he could *show* you that he is serious by taking some time away from home-- even just a week or two-- to stop drinking, get into IC, getting the firearms out of the house, stopping the gambling, transparency on what he's spent and what his plans are to fix this, etc. It isn't necessarily just that he is d!cking you around with the PA and committing/not committing to your R. He's done a LOT of pretty destructive things beyond an affair that need to be addressed.
Just because he wants a meeting today doesn't mean you need to make any decisions today. Maybe all you have to do today is listen and validate and say I'll need to think about that, and spend some time really thinking about what you need and want before making any decisions.
Hang in there, Blue. You've got this.
xoxo M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
