Hi KK Im wayfarer an actual super A type LBW. I was actually controlling, frankly I'm a giant b*tch, and even in my control I wasn't the kind of controlling that is a deal breaker by societal norms. Unless you were laying out his clothes, checking with him if he flossed, made him check in with you every time he left the house even just to the store or work by sending you pictures, or telling him who he could or couldn't spend time with and when, you were not the kind of controlling that warrants an affair or a D. You were a wife with a H who probably put you in the position of your marriage relationship developing a parent/child aspect to it. There's also a good chance you were just co-dependent. A lot of women fall into both of those traps. I hate to break it to you but you are no where near a super A type controlling LBW. What you most likely are is a LBW who's soon to be ex H convinced her that her totally normal behavior that actually leans heavily toward submissive is controlling behavior regardless of what any one else tells her. My H said I was controlling in ways I never even so much as opened my mouth to. He tried to tell me I wouldn't let him go out with his friends. And then then when I argued with him about where he was when I knew he was with OW he'd say I'm just not calling you like you told me to do when I was out because it wakes you up. So when it was convenient to his narrative I was a controlling B who never let him go out and have fun (totally untrue) so he's going to go out all night and make the most of it since he's already out. And when it was convenient to his narrative I was then not controlling and he was just doing what I had asked and not bothering me because I said I trusted him, don't I trust him? See how that works. It doesn't matter if you helped you're husband pick out a bike or a truck. My H actually picked out the car I have. I narrowed it down to 3. He picked this one. And it's my vehicle. The car he has currently I literally yelled on the phone "STOP SECOND GUESSING GO BACK AND GET IT BEFORE IT'S GONE" because he was waffling and it was an amazing deal. That's normal MR stuff. That's not control.
And for just two seconds I'll give into your fantasy that you are some kind of women hell bent on world domination starting with your H. If that's the truth, why on god's green earth are you going to write him an apology letter. That is emotional manipulation in it's highest form which is a covert way to control someone. So you tell me, are you controlling or not? Either way. If you want to prove you are repentant for that behavior an apology letter while you are still in the throws of a divorce is the last way in the universe to show that you're changing, willing to change, and are truly sorry.
