I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 18

[SteveLW]

So you told him to wear a helmet and to stop smoking (a disgusting, deadly, and EXPENSIVE habit by the way). And you didn't go fishing with him. And he thought you didn't like the motorbike.

Wow you were awful KC! How did he put up with you this long?

By the way, my W makes me wear a seatbelt every time we are in a vehicle together. She hates the smell of coffee and lets me know it every time I drink a cup. She has never gone hunting with me once, in the 18 years that it has been my passion. And I've owned an ATV since 2013 and she's never ridden it or rode on it with me.

Yet I've never porked a slut and accused her of being overbearing and controlling and THAT'S why I did it.

HE AIN'T THE VICTIM HERE.

KC, you can write this prediction down. I've made it before and you dismissed it. But I've been doing this long enough to know the truth about As and how they start. Here is the prediction:

One day you will find out that he and OW were involved LONG before you knew about it. And that all of this other stuff that you attach so much significance to is meaningless. That none of it caused his A. And that you've been agonizing over all of it as if your mistakes FORCED him into the arms of another woman for no reason. One day that delusion will be shattered by the truth.

Of course my actions/choices whatever they were do not excuse the end choice he made.

WAS YOUR WIFE CONTROLLING???

Was you wife trying to micromanage your life?

Did your wife come to you with 3 different used trucks that fit a budget that she wanted and suggested you test drive and figure out which of the 3 you liked the best?

If you wanted a new truck would you have to harrass your wife to give in to your desires of the truck you wanted if the pricetag was more than she was comfortable spending?

WE went shopping for bikes --- I wanted to make him happy and to enjoy the good money he made. We found a bike he liked and it would be good for us... he had to ask me if we could afford it. I wanted to make him happy but wouldn't he have been more happy if he could have just gone out and bought a bike all on his own?

I became so controlling.... and learning that's based on fear then H was right I'm living a life of fear.

You are perfectly fine to tell me what an A** H is but please know I was not the best person I could have been. I'm quite disappointed in myself. And, I recognized that he was unhappy for a long time.

This isn't going to be fixed by me having multiple "a-ha" moments and changing myself. I've inflicted some pretty deep scars.

Back to your earlier questions - I am of course deeply hurt but I forgive. He of course hasn't asked for it. But, I think if I am to be able to let go of him I need to let go of the hurt which is why I choose to forgive.

About the things she cares about? YES! Heaven forbid if I load the dishwasher incorrectly! Or if I put something away in the wrong place.

Human-beings are flawed. ALL OF US. We are controlling in our own ways. We are passive-aggressive when it suits us, manipulative when it suits us. We have our own hidden agendas.

However, when we stand before God and witnesses and proclaim vows to each other, I never hear a "but, not if you are controlling and flawed!".

"I,KC's husband, take thee,KC, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, unless you are controlling and flawed, for better, for worse unless you are controlling and flawed, for richer, for poorer unless you are controlling and flawed, in sickness and in health unless you are controlling and flawed, to love and to cherish unless you are controlling and flawed, till death do us part unless you are controlling and flawed, according to God's holy ordinance unless you are controlling and flawed; and thereto I pledge thee my faith unless you are controlling and flawed."

Or you can change that phrase " unless you are controlling and flawed" to " unless your mom does something she shouldn't do".

Yeah..........I doubt those were in there.