Living with a WAS/MLC husband...who does not care

[BlueSea]

LH, Steve - What is going on here?

I memorized your 3 points LH and very glad I did.
I adopted your attitude Steve, 'good riddance to bad rubbish'.

While I was getting ready in the bathroom - I was thinking thru all the advice, getting into that mindset completely, sort of putting on that armor/attitude for the day. And suddenly H shows up at the bathroom door. He says he wants to have a family meeting later in the afternoon.

Without stopping to look at him while I finished what I was doing, I asked him, 'what about?' H tells me that he wants to try at this marriage, he wants the family to know he wants to try. I turned towards him, non emotionally to listen - and he goes on to say that it would be easier and he feels that he has no choice, that he is afraid - not of the next few months, but of the years ahead and what that would mean but he is willing to be vulnerable, to try, to go to counseling and do whatever it takes. He does break down crying, so it took some time to get thru all that. All I did was nod, and tell him that I understood. And I just listened.

After he was done, I told him that he did have a choice and he should want to be in this marriage - not just fall back into by default because I did not want to go thru all this again later. I told him the LH 3 points that I expected from him:
1. consider me high value
2. to want to be in a relationship with me, over someone else - or being alone
3. he had to do win me back, doing whatever that took

He asked me to understand just a little, that he wants to want this - and will go to counseling, and cut down on the drinking and understands and agrees to those 3 points. I let him know we could talk later in the afternoon.

LH, Steve --- Really? this back and forth is very hard for me... I have distanced myself just enough that I don't fall for the tears and emotion so easily. Is this for real? Or is he just trying to stay?

How should I handle this? Counseling is a must for both of us, clearly, but how do we define what are the boundaries that if he does not try - we need to move on separately. Does he stay? Or would it be better if he was out of the house? (I know I can't make him go, but I think if I pushed it, he would.

I think now H and I are both in the same situation, trying to love someone that we no longer love.