You're not frustrating in any way. He flipped the script on you in the 11th hour. That is just beyond unsettling. Honestly it's like being betrayed twice. So don't worry about all that.
I did stop by to talk a bit about the p!ssed off at the leaving vs the actual affair. I wrote what's below back in January. Maybe it can help you sort out where you're at. I was never as upset as people here or IRL think I should've been about the affair. Abandoning me and our marriage and our kids because he was too stupid or stubborn to face his issues head on that, that upset me.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
What drives my anger, my sadness, my hurt, my swings, my inability to detach, is the stranger that I'm living with. He engages my fear, my insecurities, my childhood and past relationship issues. He took the one thing in my life I thought was safe. The first home in my whole life I've felt completely secure in and burnt it to ashes, and has the audacity to look me in the face and say "I just don't think we can make each other happy. I just want us both to be happy." When only a few months ago we were half naked on a beach drunk and couldn't get enough of each other. What's killing me is him making me feel like the last 7 years of my life were a complete lie. Like our entire relationship up to BD was all in my head, like a silly little school girl. With that, his vilification of me, his rewriting of history, his constant pendulous swing from her to us, living his life as if he isn't married, but when I say "hey just let me know if you're coming back tonight don't want to not set the alarm and leave the lights on if you're not" and his response is "I'll be home." Home. HOME. He'll be home. How are you out there living like I don't exist? Like I'm not home with a child that I didn't birth while you do as you please, but still call the place we sleep your home? That right there is why I struggle to detach.
I also wanted to mention that I've dealt with the same thing you've dealt with of how much easier this would be if H was a "duck" (god I love that cardinal..lol) all the time. I see how hostile and combative some of these WS/WAS are and I think well that would've been easy. And maybe it's charm for the sake of charm, and maybe it's them being themselves for just a little peek but I think it makes everything harder when you see who you thought they were.
It's ok to be just absolutely livid right now. It's ok to be not so perfect at detachment. It's ok to be a little all over the place. It's ok to be hurt and angry about things that don't make perfect sense on the surface. Everything your feeling is perfectly ok. I think all we ask, is there's a little more focus on May's survival and a little less on H's 3 ring circus. Not because you're frustrating, because you deserve it. You deserve the focus.
