I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 18

[KitCat]

After some serious soul searching last night I've decided to move forward and reach a settlement with my H.

I am sorry KK but you are trying to BS us here. You are looking for a reason to pursue. Look at me over here H. I am freeing up your money! Look at me!

I think I want peace. I don't want to keep living my life thinking one story in my head and then be served with D papers out of the blue.

This is a separation settlement and it frees up the financial order. I will not move it to D at this time. I need some peace and I need to stop my fairytale.

Ok. So when this doesn't work what is your next play?

Moving on? Letting go? Stop living in denial that since he isn't doing X that must mean he is having second thoughts?

LH is right. There is just a lot of anger --- anger for things I did, anger for things I didn't do and anger for the things he did because of it all. He isn't ready to let go of that anger, but I am.

So you think this will dissipate the anger? This is going to sound really mean but they are going to get a good laugh about this move on your part.

Maybe. But, I can't live my life worry about what H is or is not doing.

I understand what you stated that his anger will take a very long time to dissipate and there is nothing I can do to speed that up. His timeline is not my timeline.

I've reached a point where I can see a big chunk of my mistakes... certainly not all as I'm still working through it all but I'm at point where I can apologize with sincerity and mean it and know I can do better moving forward. I'm not sure I'm about forgiveness yet. I suppose that comes much later.

I think you better wait on that apology because I think the obituary and FB postings are just the beginning based on his past history.

KK I am not against you giving him the money that is rightfully his just do it right now based on your urge to try to do something. You will surely regret it down the road.

Let's not get on the path of regrets... LOL. The settlement he is offering is completely in my favor. I don't want to be in a position where I cut my nose off to spite my face.

There is a lot of hurt on both sides. We have been legally separated for 4 1/2mo now. I need to let go. No doing the settlement is me hanging on to my H. Everyone here keeps telling me to drop the rope. LH I'm exhausted.

H snooped and found my plans for Mexico vacation and was livid... thinking that he can't afford diddly squat and here I am taking a vacation... (he has no idea how much I struggle financially right now with 2 different attorney retainers, S18 going to college in 1 month, and he has no idea that I'm not paying for this vacation - he let his own mind and demons get the best of him.)

I don't hate my H. I forgive him. I want peace for myself.