KC, this post makes me sad. Why? Because you continue to blame yourself. No matter how many times we tell you that NOTHING you did justifies what he did. It isn't even logical. "I was a bad W so he went out and lied and cheated on me." Huh? That is like saying :"The kitchen faucet leaked so he burned down the whole house."
The only forgiveness you should be worrying about right now is forgiving yourself. I don't think you have that ability without help, but I won't kick that dead horse again.
I had this discussion with my mother this morning.
I've been doing the work and looking at my own short comings. That is what I am taking responsibility for. MY actions. My mom stated that H hasn't apologized and he needs to for X, Y, Z. I told my mother just because I'm at a place where I can apologize and look at my actions and the role they played is completely independent of my H being at a place to do the work and apologize. Maybe never does. I do not control that. Just because he didn't apologize doesn't excuse me from doing so.
I agree Steve85. He made his own choices. I'm not excusing his behavior just because I took responsibility for mine. The affair is a symptom of M in trouble but not the cause. I wasn't talking about forgiving him but forgiving myself for the behaviors I am responsible for.
