Steve is right. You continue to blame yourself and excuse your H's actions. Like I said in an earlier post, I can relate to how you feel. I struggled for months and months blaming myself, and I sometimes have to catch myself when I start going down that rabbit hole again. It's a horrible feeling.
Clearly you are reacting to your emotions right now because you saw that H made an appt with an attorney. If you release those funds (against your lawyers advice), I can see your H using that money to buy OW a big, fat engagement ring.
Kit - slow down. This is going to take a long time to resolve itself one way or another. But don't sabotage yourself by hoping releasing the funds will get H to pump the brakes on getting an attorney. He's going to take that money and use it on the OW. F that.
