After some serious soul searching last night I've decided to move forward and reach a settlement with my H.
This is a separation settlement and it frees up the financial order. I will not move it to D at this time. I need some peace and I need to stop my fairytale.
LH is right. There is just a lot of anger --- anger for things I did, anger for things I didn't do and anger for the things he did because of it all. He isn't ready to let go of that anger, but I am.
I've reached a point where I can see a big chunk of my mistakes... certainly not all as I'm still working through it all but I'm at point where I can apologize with sincerity and mean it and know I can do better moving forward. I'm not sure I'm about forgiveness yet. I suppose that comes much later.
