Living with a WAS/MLC husband...who does not care

[BlueSea]

There was no formal discussion of separation ..... just an announcement from H that he wanted to leave. I listened to what he had to say and let him know that he was free to go whenever he wanted, that I was not making him stay, that he could walk out the door when he wanted.

It was like he didn't hear me. He kept saying he wanted to leave and would throw in things that were clearly meant to hurt me, and I would follow up with the same...that he has always had the option to go - I can't make him stay - he is free to leave at any time. At some point, I got up from my seat and opened the front door and came back to my seat -- so when he spoke to me he could see me AND the door opened up behind me. Cage door is open. Just go. But he was on a loop, just repeating himself it seemed, that he wanted to go. This went on for at least an hour, maybe longer.

At some point the kids came in, most likely after hearing it all, its not a big house - and they also were ready for dinner. He wanted the kids to know that he loved them and nothing would change between them. They in return told him that they didn't want to be around him. After all they had seen him do, with the OW, with the gambling, drinking, and not trying - they did not want to be with him or around him. He was taken aback that they would have feelings about all this. He was shocked that they did not want to to participate in his overall 'plan' where he left and he could come and check them out to play with them when he felt like it.

I was just spent, literally just feeling numb - whether it was right or wrong to 'let' the kids speak, I don't know. Everyone had something to say and I was not going to even try to be in control of any of it. I had been trying to keep the seams together to this failing marriage for so long - I just let it all go. The kids wanted their say and they had it. I had done something that was really hard for me to do - to calmly tell him he could leave whenever he wanted (over and over) which had taken all my energy because inside it was so painful to say (and repeat) and so painful to hear all the things he was saying.

And after all that, H announced that he had to think about things. I was stunned, think about what? The kids at this point, were onboard with him going, I had told him he was free to leave and now he wanted to think. There was no point to discuss anything any more, it was late, the kids needed to eat so I decided that we would leave to get food.

When we got back, H was in the dark in the den, thinking. At some point I went to the kitchen, and he came up and hugged me and kept saying he 'was sorry' and was emotional and hugged me very hard and for a long time. I don't know what that meant - or even what he thought he had to think about. He turned in early last night - and its early morning on the next day.

LH, Steve, Spiral and Wooba - I had intended to reply to your advice. Thank you for posting and helping me thru this. If you have any advice on how to handle this new situation - I would really appreciate it.