Thanks May. I'm actually pretty excited about getting the downstairs painted. I will choose five or six possible colours I'd be happy with and let H make a selection from them. He lives here and it is his house after all, but he doesn't have the time or energy or interest to get more involved than that right now. I am also going to have a de-clutter and sort out of mine and the kids' stuff - it will make for a nicer environment for me (I am going to be at home all the time for the foreseeable...) and again, if we are going to sell up, it will also be a preparation for that.
My work situation is... well - the new position is pretty like the old position, but with a pay rise and some more responsibility and more flexible working hours. Though actually given the situation with online working, and a lot of our processes needing to change, a lot of the 'perks' other than the pay have been swallowed up and a lot of the extra responsibilities have multiplied. I can't complain - it is safe work, and I am not at risk from redundancy and so many people are either putting themselves at risk to earn money or are on the brink of losing their livelihoods. I am very lucky but I do miss my colleagues. I actually have an interview at work with my boss' boss in a couple of weeks time to discuss the new role and what goals and objectives I have for the role and me personally. I think I want to think of these things more generally so perhaps take that new start as a time to make sure the work/life/me/family balance is where I'd like it to be.
I've also been thinking about cash.
At the moment we don't have any joint accounts. All of the family bills come out of my account, and H pays me 1/3 of the total of these costs into my account. (I earn about double what he does, so we pay a percentage of family bills related to our income, if that makes sense). We both have roughly the same amount of spending money. I save half of a mine in another account he knows about and doesn't have access to, and we have a 'family' savings pot that I transfer into each month - and so does he. But that account is in my name too. This looks like I'm a financially controlling maniac - but the only reason we have these savings accounts and bill payments set up is because I did it.
A while ago he said he wasn't happy with this arrangement and he wanted a joint account we'd both pay into for the joint expenses and for the family savings to be in a joint account we both had access to. This is totally reasonable, so I set up the new accounts but they are lying unused at the moment and there's no point transferring the debits and orders over to them until he goes into the bank and gives them his signature and does his bit in getting added to the account. (He can actually do this electronically - I did - so his working hours or lockdown are no good reasons not to).
I've reminded him a couple of times but I'm not chasing him for it. He's very reliable about paying his portion of family expenses into my account. Now I'll be earning a bit more I think it is probably fair I take on a slightly greater % of our shared expenses - I would expect him to increase his % if he got a pay-rise - so I am going to crunch some numbers about that this evening and email them over to him and see what he says. This isn't really a 180 - I've always handled bills and finances. I am mildly annoyed be both complains about me having control of this, but drags his feet about implementing a joint account - but whatever. But I do wonder if this contributes to him feeling controlled and acting like a baby. I am not sure what a 180 would be on this matter - I think I've done all I can, really.
The other thing I've been thinking about is my self care and GAL. I pay for my own IC and I have a set budget (small) each month I blow on lipstick and earrings and treats for my dog and other nonsense. The rest I save and that's MY fun money - not family money. I would really like to get something very nice for myself because I deserve it. So on my list of things to do this week is some research into that.
