Not sure I have a reason to hope...

[may22]

I am proud to say that I am the most detached I have ever been. When he rails and rants at me, his accusations are so clearly a projection from within him that I don’t take it personally. I listen for germs of truth, validate when and where I can, but have put up personal boundaries surrounding his projections. They’re not mine to own or deal with.

Hi Sage,
This is great. You sound really good to me. You've really been through the wringer recently and I'm so impressed with how you're holding up and continuing to detach and be strong. Huge props to you.

I second (third?) Scout and LH on this-- it really doesn't matter if it has a label or not. I like how LH has put it-- if it were a cancer diagnosis and you could identify the exact genetic fail and then go through the proscribed protocols to get an x% chance of saving your M... it seems so sane and normal. Something went wrong. you identify the problem. you do your best to fix it. But when the problem is outside of your control to heal, there is just no point in expending energy on his problems. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. it is up to you to take care of yourself and your kids and him to figure out his own demons. It sounds like he has quite a bit on his plate with childhood issues, etc. Hopefully he has a good IC.

I have copied the advice you wrote on my thread onto my phone and keep looking at it when I am feeling down. So I hope you can do the same for yourself... remember this isn't your fault; save your precious energy for you, not your H; have compassion for yourself; stay at 30,000 feet; don't forget the self-care; know your feelings will change; you are adored and worthy of great things. Hug those kids and do something nice for yourself today. I actually think once he is out of the house and you're no longer kicked out on the nesting thing you'll be much , much freer to focus on yourself. How much do you need to see him for the business side of things?

hang in there, Sage!