I can certainly understand the shame you are feeling. I remember those feelings very vividly and really struggled with that. You have to remember that this isn’t all about you. Did you make mistakes? Sure. Do your mistakes justify the actions your H has taken? Not even close.
Your H clearly has issues that have nothing to do with you. He had these issues long before you even met him, keep that in mind. You have been willing to move mountains, he hasn’t and that’s nothing for you to be ashamed of. I would bet a mortgage payment that his relationship with OW will not last because he has done nothing to work on his internal issues. It’s just a matter of time. And it don’t care if they have known each other since high school, their relationship is built on a house of cards and it will getting windy sooner or later.
If you are still unwilling to invest in therapy (there are some amazing and compassionate therapists out there), then I would encourage you to shift gears and instead of reading relationship books, read books about codependency and healing toxic shame. There’s lots of great YouTube videos out there as well.
The time is now, Kit. Start investing in yourself.
